that i am loosing who i am in a way. I feel like there is this blockage to what i used to be and what i've become. I'm not feeling quite alive at the moment and that is something i think everyone thrives on. I've just hit a stop and i'm just going from one day to the other with it all being the same. Variety is definately the spice of life for me and thats something i just don't have at the moment. Every day is the same. I am reaching my 20th birthday and I feel like this bears some sort of significance to who i'm becoming. I feel older, but not wiser. I'm not ready to not be a teenager yet.

I'm really tired, and i am only happy with one thing in my life at the moment and as cliche as that sounds, it's my boyfriend. Everything else is just so.. disjointed. I miss what my life used to be like. I miss my home. I miss myself in a way, i feel like i'm missing some vital part of my being thats making me so different to what i was/who i am.

I love the sun and how it can just make everything seem happier. How the weather affects people is amazing i think, how it can change moods and make everything seem priceless in a way. I wouldn't have traded today for anything, although tonight i was pretty ill.

I have a bad thing about whats coming. Whatever it is, i'm prepared for a battle.